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Andrea Grassi on Love as a Colour: Singles Colour 003 – “Orange Alert”

Posted By Rebecca Eckler on February 14, 2011

Tagged: Andrea Grassi, Rant

There are many hygienic deficiencies which are automatic deal breakers (especially at risk nowadays when beards and long hair are so desired), but there is one in particular element of personal hygiene that has long conflicted me. I will call it “Orange Alert”.

It all began back in grade 2. I was in a grades 2/3 split class and I was assigned a seat beside Jake, a grade 3 (perhaps this is also where my taste for older men developed). We would laugh and play, he was interesting, a good drawer (not just stick figures, he was good with shapes and shades), and he would talk about how he had a step mom – which in itself was provocative because this was the early 90s and not a lot of kids had divorced parents in my suburban wonderland of a school (I think at that time the national rate was just under 40%). I digress; in any case Jake was cool. I really liked playing and laughing with Jake, and I guess that is why it took me so long to notice his ears – full of orange, seeping wax.

Ever since, I have made it a point to look inside a guy’s ears. I don’t slam their head against a table and flashlight the drum – no – but I do take peeks just to make sure they have grasped basic Q-tip fundamentals.

This is a real thing, ok! It happened again later when I was seeing Michael — a student, a little scruffy (I do like a mature beard and product-less hair), but for the most part clean (he smelled good). Then I lent him my ear phones (the bud type that you have to jam into your ear ) and bam! — a trace of ear wax, screaming orange residue left on my white phones. I was out of there like the 4th of July (not to mention got new ear phones).

Listen guys, you have to be very careful. Make sure you attend to every crevice. Just because hairy and casual is hot doesn’t mean you can forget these simple things…and just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

Have you ever experienced tiny, and yet monumental, shockers of personal hygiene that have totally switched you off?

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Andrea Grassi has been either a freelance writer, editor, researcher, proofreader (or all) at the following publications: The Mark NewsThis MagazineWhere Toronto, Pique News Whistler, 24hrsSoundproofCelery (defunct, but influential Toronto-based zine), Job Postings (US), Campus Life Magazine, The Medium and scripted on Rogers Cable 10, among others. Her advertising creative has been featured in campaigns for Johnson & Johnson, Windsor Salt, Leo Pharma, Trispec Communications, Dobson & Toncic Insurance, Urologi Inc., among others.
Check her out: Wesbsite: / Twitter: @andGrassi / Linkedin: Andrea Grassi

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