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Andrea Grassi on Love as a Colour: Singles Colour 005 – Neon Acquiescence

Posted By Rebecca Eckler on February 22, 2011

Tagged: Andrea Grassi, Rant

Beginning to date an acquaintance – someone you haven’t known long or close enough to be friend zoned – is difficult. You feel enabled because they already know your essentials, you have things in common and topics already established so you start off heavy. The first few dates never end up filled with entrenched surface conversation (Can you believe the weather!? Have you seen Johnny Depp’s latest film about a lizard?). Rather, you skip past the sun and the palm trees and go straight to the swamp (all of us have a swamp of things that can catch or kill a date). Thus, establishing a mode for the relationship is hard because an attachment (invariably with emotional consequences) is quickly formed.

The problem for me is not the vulnerability itself but the one in establishing what the other person wants from the courtship: sex or romance. With this seemingly open conversation, it isn’t foolish to falsely assume you are headed towards romance. And if after these dates all you can picture is being close friends with the person, worse — now there is the risk of losing them. The transition is tricky. What I have found is that you can almost never have both – new friend or new romance – after you have begun dating. You can’t just “see how things go” because that is a date grenade – a solution thrown out of sight with horrible consequences to follow (usually at the end of the person with the greatest attachment).

Be up front from the start — if all you want is a sexual relationship because you have always wanted to sleep with that person but they were never available until now, tell them (it may be searing, but they might actually feel the same). Ask: Do you want to get to know me? Or do you want to know me now? I call this severe honesty “Neon Acquiescence” (as neon is traditionally blatant, loud and unmistakable). Propose Neon Acquiescence even if you don’t know what you want — sharing these thoughts may help you decide (might turn you off, or might make you take the relationship more seriously).

For me, games never work. But, prove me wrong – have you ever found the transition from acquaintance to romance easy/ successful?

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Andrea Grassi has been either a freelance writer, editor, researcher, proofreader (or all) at the following publications: The Mark NewsThis MagazineWhere Toronto, Pique News Whistler, 24hrsSoundproofCelery (defunct, but influential Toronto-based zine), Job Postings (US), Campus Life Magazine, The Medium and scripted on Rogers Cable 10, among others. Her advertising creative has been featured in campaigns for Johnson & Johnson, Windsor Salt, Leo Pharma, Trispec Communications, Dobson & Toncic Insurance, Urologi Inc., among others.
Check her out: Wesbsite: / Twitter: @andGrassi / Linkedin: Andrea Grassi

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