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When The Woman You Love Is Pregnant written by Heather Clarke

Posted By Rebecca Eckler on February 14, 2011

Tagged: Heather Clarke, Rant

When the woman you love is pregnant, she might not resemble the woman you fell in love with — and I’m not talking about the extra weight. She might be a very cranky, tearful, complaining version of her former self. In order to get through those nine months, you need to keep a few things in mind.

Our hormones are making us very sensitive, so please think before you speak (or do anything, really).  We might burst into ugly sobs, or start screaming obscenities, or both. Don’t look at our ass — we’ll assume you think it’s enormous. Don’t complain you’re tired — YOU don’t have to get up five times a night to pee. Don’t complain that ANY part of YOUR body is sore. You pulled a muscle at the gym? Go to hell!

You have never experienced aches and pains like this — unless you’ve been kicked and punched repeatedly by a feisty Leprechaun strapped to your belt. So anytime you see us standing up, it is your mission to have us SIT DOWN again — whatever it takes. Make dinner. Do the dishes. Instead of hiding a basket of clean clothes in the bedroom closet, why not … um … FOLD THEM and PUT THEM AWAY?

On second thought, leave your clothes lying all over the floor. A pregnant woman has a natural urge to nest, so we’ll be throwing away 80% of clothes anyway in a fit of de-cluttering. Try not to take offense if we donate all of your crap (a.k.a. childhood mementos, sports equipment, favourite albums) to charity. The only things spared from the donation bin will be baby clothes, baby gear, our own clothes, and the 96 storage baskets we just purchased.

If you’re in a grocery store — or within 20km of a grocery store — you are legally obliged to buy toilet paper. Lots of it. Don’t even stop to wonder if we need it, because the answer is always, always, always a resounding “Yes!” We also need ice cream (because it eases heartburn), and potato chips (BECAUSE WE SAID SO).

Really, there is only one thing you need to remember about living with a pregnant woman. We are always, always right.

Do you have any tips for happily co-existing with a pregnant partner?

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Heather is a 20-something wife, mommy, and writer living in Halifax. Check out her adventures at or follow her on Twitter @Laptops2Lullaby.

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