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Can You Make a ‘Spark?’ written by Alessia Galati

Posted By Rebecca Eckler on March 1, 2011

Tagged: Alessia Galati, Rant

I’ve always been a firm believer in the laws of attraction and the physical chemistry between two people. You know, the ‘spark’.  It happens instantly upon meeting someone and then, without warning, you find yourself insanely attracted to a complete stranger. The feeling is indescribable. It’s more than the smell of his cologne or the dimple in his left cheek; it’s chemical. And I’ve always felt it was like some sort of primal factor in deciding whether or not to pursue a new mate.

My last break-up has had me questioning how much we should rely on this feeling when entering back into the dating world, since that ‘spark’ obviously blew out. Recently, I tested this theory. After several months of being pursued by a guy I had never gotten the vibe with, I decided to oblige and accept his offer to hang out. Dinner/drinks, the usual date night for a twenty-something. First date, pleasant. He’s funny, interesting, and interested. I say yes to a second date to be fair to the decent first, but still with hesitation and doubt. We find a few more things in common and I genuinely enjoy his company.

This is when thoughts begin to swirl for me.

Maybe the ‘spark’ I thought I’d felt immediately in the past was nothing more than the pheromones in his cologne getting to my head, blurring my senses. After all, we’re getting along, he’s attractive, cool enough, and maybe you CAN work on the ‘spark’. So, a third date it is. Now the exact moment is unclear, but it’s somewhere between the third and fifth date that things go hopelessly wrong. Interest sours and I feel myself hanging out with him more out of obligation to his feelings for me and our past friendship, while my romantic connection goes right back out the window. Despite my lack of interest, his feelings remained steady, unwavering. If anything, my spending time with him only reassured him he’d gotten to me, that I was finally into him too. This inevitably led to a painfully awkward last date, uncomfortable almost break-up conversation, and the worst part, losing a cool guy friend.

So, what did I conclude from this dating experiment? Go with your gut from the get-go. You may not believe in soul mates or love at first sight, but the rules of attraction are chemical, and some rules aren’t meant to be broken. But the question begs to be asked, if there aren’t any fireworks on day one, is it worth a second look?

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Twenty-six year old Alessia Galati is the Buying Assistant in ladies wear at the Bay, and is currently dating. She adores her friends, loves being in love, and can’t go a day without her fashion mags. Although she’s new to the blogosphere, she’s been reading and writing for decades. Talking about relationships, dating, boyfriends and the like has always been her thing and she has more than a few tales to tell. She should blog and tweet more than she does so why not help her along?
Follow Alessia Galati on Twitter: @alessia_marie and check out her blog, Estilo.

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3 Responses to Can You Make a ‘Spark?’ written by Alessia Galati

  1. Justine says:

    I know this topic all too well. I was dating for years with nothing serious really evolving. I would date the nice guys, and thought I should continue to date them because of that reason alone, but I always became annoyed with the smallest thing, and had to end it. I became very ‘fine’ with the fact that I would have several dogs in my life, but perhaps never a man. Then last summer, on another trial date, I met a man that I still can’t get enough of. There were crazy sparks between us! This connection was the stuff people wrote about. As they say ‘when you know, you know’. It’s true. There are people out there that won’t make you question yourself. Wait for that one – it’s worth it!


    This is right on.

    I used to call this “junk dating”. The guy asks you out because HE feels the spark. You think he’s nice, and you want to give the nice guy a chance, but no spark. Sadly, pretty soon, he can tell you don’t feel the spark for him.

    So when people (like your mom) keep saying things, like, oh you’re just not giving him a chance, tell her to back off. You know what – and who – you like.

  3. rebecca says:

    I have had “sparks” with losers. I have had “sparks” with winners. This is a tough one, but I definitely NEED sparks!

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