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Getting Noticed written by Sheri Segal Glick

Posted By Rebecca Eckler on March 4, 2011

Tagged: Rant, Sheri Segal Glick

My husband never compliments me. In his defence, he doesn’t notice much – I could be wearing glasses and pyjamas and he might ask me if I’m ready to go out or conversely, I could be wearing make-up and be having the best hair day of my life and he might assume that I’m ready for bed (this has happened, no joke). That being said, I feel like no-one can be THAT oblivious. And, even if he is completely clueless, there are little signs that I have made an effort (for example if I am wearing heels or anything requiring a strapless bra he can safely assume that I am trying to look nice) (I would normally add lipstick to the list, but he tends to get lipstick and Vaseline confused for some reason and I don’t want him thinking that I’m ready for a night on the town every time I have chapped lips.)

Anyway, I am slightly ashamed to admit that I have resorted to fishing for compliments (“how do I look?”) and then berating him when he gives me the wrong answer (“CUTE? WHAT? You used to call me beautiful when we were dating”) and then threatening him when he STILL refuses to concede and just give me a stupid compliment (“this is why people have affairs you know! There happen to be plenty of semi-hot dads in my Parent and Tot swim class who flirt with me and say nice things to me with chlorine in my hair!”).  But the truth is, it hurts my feelings and I don’t understand why he won’t just humour me. Maybe it’s because of the way he was raised (his father is not exactly effusive) or perhaps it’s because he just doesn’t like being told what to do (what man does?) or maybe he’s losing his eyesight and doesn’t want to be forced to go to the doctor (this one is pretty unlikely as he DOES manage to notice when I have food in my hair) or maybe, just maybe, what he says is true – he just doesn’t care about whether I’m wearing make-up and a push up bra or glasses and an old sweatshirt. And I guess this whole loving-me-for-who-I-am-not-what-I-look-like business could be considered a good thing but I still wish he’d notice when I look nice. And tell me when he notices. Or, in the alternative, if he doesn’t notice, pretend like he does and tell me that I look pretty every once in a while.

What do you think? Is it better to be with a partner who loves you regardless of the way you look (and doesn’t notice anything) or is it nice to have someone who appreciates when you make an effort?

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Sheri is a lawyer, trained journalist and published writer who is currently staying home with her almost-two-year-old son (and who is expecting baby 2 in May). She has a blog Trying To Find My Funny, that she occasionally remembers to update and a home in Ottawa that she occasionally remembers to clean. Follow her on Twitter @Sheri.Segal.Glick

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