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Her Confessions: The Bad Boy Challenge

Posted By Rebecca Eckler on March 8, 2011

Tagged: Her Confessions, Rant

Sometimes writers ask to be kept anonymous, because hey, relationships are hard enough, right? But we’ve got one who has lots to say and will write under the title, Her Confessions, so please read away (and comment!)

We’ve all been there – and if you haven’t, oh, you will. You demand self respect, you realize what you’re worth and you admire great guys, but you can’t get the “bad boy” out of your head. The one who ignores your calls, blows you off for his friends or doesn’t compliment you as often as you’d like him to. You know you want (and deserve) more, but somehow you can’t shake him off, and you definitely can’t let him go.

I dated a “bad boy” all right. A guy who isn’t by any means an evil person, but someone whose behavior suggested that he didn’t care, and he fell short on the list of qualities I wanted in a boyfriend. We went out a few times, and there was nothing wrong with him, but truthfully, (which I didn’t realize at the time) there was nothing right about him either. Two or three months in, something, and I don’t know exactly what it was, drew me to him. I didn’t see it coming.

He didn’t give me the attention I wanted, but he made sure I knew he noticed me. He didn’t smother me, but he complimented me once in a while. We didn’t see each other often, but we’d make plans at least twice a month. We didn’t talk on the phone every day, but a week didn’t pass where we wouldn’t catch up. While my feelings grew, so did my expectations. This wasn’t my idea of a “relationship.” I wanted more. On his end, he certainly wasn’t on the same page. We continued dating, even though he didn’t want “a relationship right now”.

Months went by, and we were ignoring each other’s calls, playing all the games, especially “hard to get.” I felt so confused all the time. I questioned how he felt about me because his signals were always mixed. Of course, he was too cool to touch upon the subject of ‘love’. I did what lots of us do: I put up with it hoping that he’d change his mind. That he would wake up and realize how great I am and that he should commit to me. I was torn for months. I felt something I’d never felt before, but at the same time, I really hated it. I wished I could forget about him. I’d tell him I was moving on week after week, but I couldn’t.  Every time I stepped back, he’d step forward and lure me back in.

We went back and forth (I wanted him, he didn’t want me, then he’d want me, and I didn’t want him) for three years. (Nuts, I know!) Eventually, I cut him off completely. Now, we have no contact, but it’s a reference my friends and I use when we talk about this question:

When we’re caught in this kind of mess, do we obsess over the challenge, or are we actually in love? How can we tell the difference?

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