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So, Why Are You Single? written by Melissa Di Pasquale

Posted By Rebecca Eckler on March 27, 2011

Tagged: Melissa DiPasquale, Rant

I’ve recently come to accept that being single in your mid twenties is hard for the rest of the world to understand. While it might be a good personal exercise for me to list the qualities that would make me a wonderful girlfriend, when it comes to good dating, the proof of the pudding is in the eating. The ever so common, “Why are you single?” question almost has me at the point where I feel like I should apologize for it.

“Sorry that my singledom weighs so heavy on your mind that you have to take time out of your day to HOPE I find someone nice. I’ll try better.”

I think it’s important to make it clear that personally, I never take offense to not being asked if I am dating someone new. Don’t feel obligated. I actually prefer to not be asked at all because if I were dating someone, it’s not like I’d forget to talk about him. I’d probably have his portrait on my blog anyhow.

I like to talk about the ups and downs of being single as much as the next girl likes to talk about her boyfriend or husband, and it’s a riot to get together with friends and swap relationship horror stories but when the topic of my last unsuccessful date comes up, and the tone shifts to serious, there are a few bits of advice I’d appreciate not hearing:

1) “It happens when you’re not looking.” What does that even mean? Finding a man is not like avoiding a solar eclipse.

2) “You don’t date enough.” I don’t sleep enough either.

3) “You’re too picky. Give him a chance.” Sometimes this is true, but sometimes it isn’t. I truly believe in my gut and I know when it’s not going to happen.

And my most favourite, modern approach to the question:

“Well, maybe you’re a lesbian?” Really? So, not only can’t I find a man to date, but also I’m gay and can’t find a woman either. That’s nice.

What I really mean to get at here is, when you come across a single girl, unless your advice is truly original, just be honest and tell her she’s great because she probably is and, that’s all it takes. I know it may get tiring to hear about another failed date, or how there’s no one out there, but you probably don’t know the secret to finding the one either.

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Having taken art classes since the days she’d eat her lunch under her teacher’s desk, Melissa really started to hone in on her photography skills in high school. Her work has been published on Jones Soda bottles, numerous magazines such as Vice Magazine, Sweetspot.ca, Home and Garden Online, Canadian House and Home, Fashion magazine, Post City Magazine, Faze Magazine, JPG Magazine, Design Lines, Azure and was featured on Beautiful/Decay. Most recently, she won an award of Merit in the portrait category from Professional Photographers of Canada, and continues to shoot daily, her camera merely a third arm.
Since she has no boyfriend, she’s got lots of time to work. You can view her photos at Melissa Di Pasquale Photography, follow her on Twitter @melissacaroline and check out her brain child Two Shakes.

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6 Responses to So, Why Are You Single? written by Melissa Di Pasquale

  1. david says:

    What you said. Well, maybe I am a lesbian. I do act as ‘booth bitch’, though apparently I cause problems for my manager when I do so. Just too good at it, I guess.

  2. Grassi says:

    PREACH! I’ve been single for 3.5 years and I also think other people have more of a problem with my singlehood than I.

  3. Mil. says:

    I got your back, Grassi.

    David, what’s a Booth Bitch?

  4. David says:

    @Mil.

    at a networking event; the friendly one. I have no cleavage to offer, so I’m not sure why I’m successful, assuming of course that I am.

    I’m not being permitted to put it on my business card.

    Yet

  5. Jenna says:

    Some of the greatest women I know have been “single” most of their lives.

    I almost feel like dating is like “that’s it, now you have no choice, you fell is love,” so cherish your freedom grrlz.

  6. Leonardo says:

    Having just realized that you and other friends post on this site I feel obligated to comment, even on this old post.

    When I consider who my idols are: Christopher Hitchens, Thom Yorke, Richard Dawkins, Nietzsche and Sartre I realize that marriage or failings at marriage, can define a persons life. The opposite would therefore also be true, in that a lack of marriage(s) can also define someone. Unfortunate as this is, it is human nature to inquire and, especially, in regards to a ‘love life’ be concerned.

    The desire to procreate and continue the species is subconscious and ever present within us. The questions people ask you, or I for that matter, in regards to our relationship status are therefore ingrained in the human subconscious as well. Almost, by asking, people are secretly trying to sniff out some kind of weakness or vulnerability within you or I.

    I would suggest to you or anyone, to never forget the pervasive desire to procreate that is within us and as a result to accept the questions that come our way as being part of human nature.

    I would also suggest that you flip the question back to the questioner and demand to know their motives for being in a relationship. Force them to question their own choices, cause them to approach their relationships from an existential point of view and, if the questioner does not head for the hills after being confronted, simply laugh them off as being naive.

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