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Blonde, Bronzed & Confidential: Q & A “On Deadline”

Posted By Rebecca Eckler on April 19, 2011

Tagged: Blonde Bronzed & Confidential, relationship expertise

If you’re looking for to-the-point with a bit of flare advice, look no further.  Jen Kirsch, a relationship expert, columnist and blogger tells it like it is.  Her hit blog Blonde, Bronzed, Twentysomething has become the go-to site for twentysomethings in need of relationship advice.  With daily emails requesting she have a ‘Dear John’ type question and answer section, we selfishly snagged her to help you out with your dating dilemmas. Jen has a Bachelor of Journalism from Ryerson University.

Dear Jenny,

I’m going to get straight to the point because that’s how I do: My boyfriend lacks a sense of urgency.  Whether I ask him to take something out of the oven, or let me know if someone’s home at his place because I’m en route to drop something off, he never seems to respond or take action in a timely manner.  If I say I’m starving, that word – to him – doesn’t indicate an immediate course of action.  This laissez faire attitude has proven to work well for him, but I’m so go, go, go and his lack of immediacy makes me think he just doesn’t care about anyone but himself.  Worst of all, when I have other people waiting on me to get back to them about plans and such, I can never answer because he doesn’t let me know until the last minute.  This keeps everyone on edge and scrimmaging to figure out last minute details, like whether to make enough food for two extra people. I don’t want to keep asking him or pushing him, because he should know I want an answer (or course of action) after the first time I ask, no?  But if I don’t, I end up getting hounded by friends and it looks bad on me.  Help!


On Deadline

Dear On Deadline,

I’ll keep it simple for you: Next time you ask you-know-who to do something that requires a course of action, ask him the question and have the deadline of when you need to know by/when you need something done by in the question.

For example:  “Babe, my family friends invited us over next weekend for dinner for so and so’s birthday.  I’d love to go with you by my side, but we need to let them know by the end of this week.  Do you think you can let me know if that works with your schedule by this Thursday?”

With this you are a) asking him what you want, and b) offering a deadline so you can avoid the “So, are you guys coming?” phone calls and added pressure from outside people.  This type of communication will prove to be affective for the non-urgent types, because you put your request on a deadline.  You can ask him once again around the deadline, saying you need to know now and if he is still uncertain, then his loss, right?




You can also follow Jen on Twitter @BlondeBronzed and Facebook.

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