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Andrea Grassi on Love as a Colour: Singles Colour 007 – Red Hot Sext

Posted By Rebecca Eckler on May 18, 2011

Tagged: Uncategorized

About 5 years ago, I discovered that amorous text messages could be cheekily called “sexts”. The fact that the term was being used in mainstream media was confirmation that I was entering a generation wired (in both senses of the word) to express emotions in a backwards way. I blame ICQ – that IM service that started in the early 2000s. Every teen was logged onto that thing and relationships were made and broken over an IM. Then came MSN Messenger, and then, when everyone had a phone – social disaster!

Now, ironically, we are equipped for better communication wherever/whenever – text, skype, Facetime chat, BBM, What’s App, etc. We don’t have to wait until we are sitting between two cooling coffees to chat or get an update, we can just do that via smartphones while we are doing something else:

Girl: Hey
Boy: Hi! What r u doing?
Girl: Work. u?
Boy: Work. I had fun last nite.
Girl: Me too :)


Having to read between the lines is probably one of the main reasons why relationships are more complicated to nail down now than they were 30 years ago. In a few short messages, Boy and Girl have: greeted each other with the implication Girl was thinking of Boy, established a mood, reinforced interest in one another, and created a foundation for another date. No tangents, no interruptions, no feelings – just emoticons! (Whoa!) We are getting good at the whole efficiency/ instant results thing.

But what does this mean to the actual quality of these new relationships? Not only does sexting make us overly analytical and susceptible to failed connections for reasons that have nothing to do with chemistry, it takes away depth and feeling in a conversation. You begin to keep track of who contacted who, how long it took them to get back to you, etc. relying on clues and interpretations rather than the real thing.

I understand, perhaps sometimes sexting is necessary (long-distance lovers), but if you are in the same city, man up. Sexting is a crutch.You can’t censor your thoughts or weigh your options in a real conversation, but you can delete words, sound cuter or use a thesaurus in a message. But who wants relations with a bunch of messages?

NOTE: I joke about this, but I think it is worth mentioning that sexting among teens is no laughing matter. In 2009, a teen committed suicide after relentless taunting by her classmates over a sext she had sent. In the wrong hands, this stuff can really become a problem. Communications technology gives people powerful tools to express their emotions freely and seemingly without consequence. If you have kids, I think you might have to start adding sexting to “the talk”.

Post Script: It should be noted as well – reluctantly – that “Sexting” has now officially been added to the dictionary.

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Andrea Grassi has been either a freelance writer, editor, researcher, proofreader (or all) at the following publications: The Mark NewsThis MagazineWhere Toronto, Pique News Whistler, 24hrsSoundproofCelery (defunct, but influential Toronto-based zine), Job Postings (US), Campus Life Magazine, The Medium and scripted on Rogers Cable 10, among others. Her advertising creative has been featured in campaigns for Johnson & Johnson, Windsor Salt, Leo Pharma, Trispec Communications, Dobson & Toncic Insurance, Urologi Inc., among others.
Check her out: Wesbsite: / Twitter: @andGrassi / Linkedin: Andrea Grassi

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