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Blonde, Bronzed & Confidential: Q & A “Sherlock Holmes”

Posted By Rebecca Eckler on June 6, 2011

Tagged: Blonde Bronzed & Confidential, relationship expertise

If you’re looking for to-the-point with a bit of flare advice, look no further.  Jen Kirsch, a relationship expert, columnist and blogger tells it like it is.  Her hit blog Blonde, Bronzed, Twentysomething has become the go-to site for twentysomethings in need of relationship advice.  With daily emails requesting she have a ‘Dear John’ type question and answer section, we selfishly snagged her to help you out with your dating dilemmas. Jen has a Bachelor of Journalism from Ryerson University.

Dear Jenny,

I totally trust my guy and know with absolute certainty that he’d never cheat, but I find it somewhat odd that his stories don’t seem to match up.  Like he says one thing, then later on when we’re talking he says something that counteracts what he originally told me. From the get go when we started dating I noticed little stories that didn’t really align, but I didn’t want to come off as one of those nagging girlfriends who questions her mans’ every move.  

The last guy I dated seemed somewhat scared to be honest with me, because he thought the truth would hurt me.  Instead I caught him in many lies over the smallest, stupidest things.  I don’t want the men I date to be scared to tell me the truth. These inconsistencies I’m dealing with now make me wonder why he feels the need to hide anything.  

I’m a big fan of your columns, and I’ve read some of your past advice to other readers so I sort of know how you’d tell me to handle it by approaching him in a non-threatening way.  Problem is – when I have done that he has labeled me as a ‘detective’, ‘Sherlock Holmes’, an ‘investigator’, etc.  I know they say pick your battles and this isn’t worth a fight, but every time this happens I can’t help but think back to my ex, and just wanting the true story.

Signed,
Sherlock Holmes

Dear Sherlock Holmes,
Your instincts are often right, and the most important comment you made was that you trust him.  Yes, it is slightly concerning that his stories are inconsistent, but he’s a guy.  Things come up, plans change and you need to chill out and leave some room for said changes.  

However, I do understand and respect how frustrated you might feel.  I don’t think it’s worth any sort of argument, perhaps you are looking too much into his words, but if a story doesn’t go together feel free to clarify with him.  Not because you’re playing detective, but instead because you are a loving girlfriend and you don’t want to let any insecurities from your past relationship effect how you feel in this one.  If he resorts to the defensiveness and immaturity that is name-calling (ie: Sherlock Holmes) gently remind him that you’re only asking because you want to get the story straight as opposed to making assumptions that he’s keeping something from you.  I’m sure he’ll appreciate your vulnerability and honesty, after all in a healthy relationship we are meant to be there to comfort our partners when they are feeling ‘off’.  Clarity is always better than assumptions, because assumptions are usually unfounded.

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You can also follow Jen on Twitter @BlondeBronzed and Facebook.

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