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Blonde, Bronzed & Confidential: Q & A “Uninvited”

Posted By Rebecca Eckler on June 24, 2011

Tagged: Blonde Bronzed & Confidential, relationship expertise

If you’re looking for to-the-point with a bit of flare advice, look no further.  Jen Kirsch, a relationship expert, columnist and blogger tells it like it is.  Her hit blog Blonde, Bronzed, Twentysomething has become the go-to site for twentysomethings in need of relationship advice.  With daily emails requesting she have a ‘Dear John’ type question and answer section, we selfishly snagged her to help you out with your dating dilemmas. Jen has a Bachelor of Journalism from Ryerson University.

Dear Jenny,

My boyfriend is quite the social butterfly and though I love the way he’s able to socially adapt to almost every environment, it sometimes comes with a bit of a cost.  He is so busy fluttering around town that often I’m left in the dust.  He is free to do what he wants and I’m all for independence, but because he’s always so busy it would be nice to be included every once in a while.

With work, networking, balancing our relationship and still maintaining friendships I know he needs some space for himself, but it’s tough not to take it personally, especially when I’m excluded while he takes time to unwind with friends.

Am I wrong to think I should be included?  Is this something I have to suck up for choosing a socially driven dude?


Dear Uninvited,

The great thing about social butterflies is that they have much on the go to keep you on your toes.  New friends and new events  equals new people to engage with and places to go. If you are in a serious relationship together, a conversation should be had so you can establish your needs, wants and boundaries.  Feeling excluded is not a good feeling, and he may not know you care to spend an evening with his old college buddies.  Be sure to remind him how in awe you are of his social prowess, but also let him know that your hot butt needs some plan-making attention too.

How do you know how to establish your boundaries?  If he is just going for a beer or a dinner every once in a while and spends the rest of his free, un-work related time with you, then I think that’s perfectly healthy.  What isn’t healthy is if he ditches pre-made plans with you for a better offer, leaves you hanging and isn’t willing to commit to plans with you (likely to keep his options open), if he excludes you from get-togethers with others when their significant others’ are included, and if he hides or lies about his plans to you.

This should help you navigate the situation better, but keep something in mind little lady: guys include girls who are easy going and a pleasure to be around.  Take some time to look at your own behaviour when you spend time – both alone with him and when you’re with his friends – and ask yourself if you’d want your company.  Act accordingly.




You can also follow Jen on Twitter @BlondeBronzed and Facebook.

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