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Changing the Rules written by Lisa Ferreira

Posted By Rebecca Eckler on June 1, 2011

Tagged: Lisa Ferreira, Rave

Four months.  That’s how long it took my husband and me to go from first date to engagement and first house purchase.  Even after 10 years together, I sometimes marvel at how quickly our relationship progressed.

We had known each other for a year before timing was right and he asked me out for drinks.  It was at this pre-date that all early dating rules were broken – and we hadn’t even had our first real date yet.  And not as much alcohol as you would expect, given our conversation topics:

Name your faults!

Sexual histories!

Past relationship problems!


No games, no hidden agendas = refreshing.  Here’s a man saying, “This is who I am; this is what I want.  Are you in or out?”  It seemed revolutionary.  We are changing the dating rules!  I realize now that if we had been at different stages in our lives, it would have been a disaster.  Like, a Vader-destroying-Alderaan disaster. (A huge disaster, for the nerd-impaired).

We just happened to be two people, who, despite an 8 year age difference, wanted exactly the same thing at the same time.  And we were honest about it.  And he totally looked like a Turner & Hooch-aged Tom Hanks, one of my earliest crushes!

Our first real date gave me every indication this was heading towards lifetime commitment.  He handed me a single red rose when he picked me up.  (This was before any Bachelor had ever aired, so it was still very romantic, and not ironic or corny at all, ok?!?)  Waiting for the dessert menu later that night, the server presented me with the remaining 11 roses.  Now I’d like to play a game called: “Actual First Date OR Kate Hudson Movie?”

At that point, a proposal and/or quick flight to Vegas didn’t seem out of the realm of possibility.  I would have said yes.

Laying it all out on the table early on allowed us to skip the games and white lies and just get on with our lives together.  Although, I did fake it a bit.  “Lamb?  Scotch?  Love them!”

Alas, I had to wait 4 more months before the proposal: months filled with family introductions and model-home viewings.  But there was never any doubt, and definitely never any regret.

Have you ever jumped into a relationship headfirst?  Did you have a happy ending like mine, or a disaster of Alderaan proportions?

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Lisa Ferreira is a wife and mother in the Toronto area.  She dabbles in music, writing, theatre, and using the word “dabbles”.  Give her an hour’s notice before you come over. You can follow her on twitter @MomofKai.

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