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Blonde, Bronzed & Confidential: Q & A “Pick Your Battles”

Posted By Rebecca Eckler on July 12, 2011

Tagged: Blonde Bronzed & Confidential, relationship expertise

If you’re looking for to-the-point with a bit of flare advice, look no further.  Jen Kirsch, a relationship expert, columnist and blogger tells it like it is.  Her hit blog Blonde, Bronzed, Twentysomething has become the go-to site for twentysomethings in need of relationship advice.  With daily emails requesting she have a ‘Dear John’ type question and answer section, we selfishly snagged her to help you out with your dating dilemmas. Jen has a Bachelor of Journalism from Ryerson University.

Dear Jenny,

We all know that we’re not meant to sweat the small stuff, but truth be told it’s the small stuff that really get on my nerves.  I believe enough in my bond with my boyfriend and know that ‘big’ things won’t jolt our relationship, but boy oh boy help me (and him) when it comes to the little things.  These aren’t important things, just little nuances that I could do without (often social media related).

Overall my boyfriend is everything I hoped a boyfriend would be and he certainly leaves me feeling satisfied in all measures of the word.  I consider myself lucky to have him, up until he does (or says) something unsettling. I know you’re supposed to ‘pick your battles’ but in the heat of the moment I always feel they are battles worth picking.  Afterall, shouldn’t he know how I feel?  I mean men go on and on about wanting us to be happy so if I speak up and tell him/point out every time he does something I don’t like, won’t he know the recipe to ensuring none of the small stuff exists?  Isn’t that in fact how I raise a boyfriend after all?


Picking my battles

Dear Picking my battles,

Imagine you are with the guy of your dreams.  You’ve finally found a partner you think is The One, and you guys have a great time together; that is until – seemingly out of nowhere – he tells you he’s unhappy.  How unappreciated you would feel thinking your company and presence isn’t good enough – doesn’t do the trick to keep the man you love content.  ‘What more can I possibly do,’ you wonder? Then he tells you not only is he unhappy, but explains why he feels that way as you sit there dumbfounded because you guys had such a great time together.

Where am I going with this?  Well although ‘little’ things may come up that leave you feeling unsettled, you sharing this with him each and every time something doesn’t go your way will end up making him walk on eggshells.  He likely won’t want to spend as much time with you if – every time you get together – something else comes up.  He will start holding back and monitoring his actions and words, uncertain of what will set you off.  Which would be ever-so-unfortunate if you guys click as much as it sounds like you do.

Now I’m not saying to ignore your feelings entirely, but instead – as you already know – yes, pick your battles.  If something continues to curse your happiness, approach him about it and communicate with him in a concise, calm way.  Instead of going off on him and attacking him as you list off all the little things he’s done (or hasn’t done for that matter), tell him that you want him to be more aware.  Sure he wants to make you happy, but he doesn’t want to feel controlled or manipulated into creating your happiness.  When women are whining you can bet men are listening.  Let him show you that he’s heard you.  If you back off you’re more likely to get what you want and if he’s as perfect as you say, he’ll be using your words as guidance to put that beautiful smile back on your face in no time.




You can also follow Jen on Twitter @BlondeBronzed and Facebook.

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