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Effort In The Beginning: How Much Is Enough? written by Kim-Lan Tran

Posted By Rebecca Eckler on July 22, 2011

Tagged: Kim-Lan Tran, Rant

When you’re initially dating, what’s fair when it comes to effort?

I had a talk with a close friend who claimed that she never played games with men (which I sincerely do not think is true). I was explaining to her that the majority of people, men and women, often times put forth more effort into making them seem like a slightly better version of themselves and that I found it was necessary to demand more than what I actually needed at the beginning.

My friend, the sweetest girlfriend who always puts 110% into a relationship, is often taken advantage of. She always drives cities away to meet her current beau, buys them dinner, offers them money, jobs, becomes best friends with their friends, and in return they offer her nothing and begin to lose respect for her.

While I’m not a perfect girlfriend, the more emotionally invested I am (which is generally correlated with time spent in the relationship), the more effort I put in. More often than it should, I realize months in that I’m putting in far too much effort for very little return.

I personally believe that it’s necessary to ask for a little more than what you want at the beginning of a relationship, because I find that a lot of the time, men reduce their amount of effort. This varies from 5% to 90% less than what they initially lead you to believe.

I guess when you don’t care that much about being in a relationship that you slowly become complacent.  Of course in bad relationships the respect dwindles as well.

How do you try to make sure that your partner is putting their fair share in? Have you ever felt like you’ve been taken advantage of? How do you ensure that you’re respected?

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Aside from being in an extremely happy relationship with both the founder of and crunching numbers, Kim enjoys staying active with running, swimming, and eating! She’s a small woman with huge attitude. You can follow her rants and opinions @kimmeridge.

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