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Nice Date Guys, OR, Dates In Disguise written by Melissa Di Pasquale

Posted By Rebecca Eckler on July 7, 2011

Tagged: Melissa DiPasquale, Rant

A few years ago, I was friends with a guy who used to take me to the movies every now and then. He would pick me up at my house, and we would talk about the music he played (LCD Soundsystem, who were new to me) on his ipod Classic (back when). Guy would definitely come out of his way, maybe 25 minutes, to pick me up and then drive us both downtown to the theatre and then back up to my place when it was over before driving himself home again — maybe 1.5 hours of driving all together to take me to the movies and talk about Fischerspooner or whoever.

I don’t remember who paid for the tickets so don’t ask.

He never made a move, not one time, but I remember being interested in him back then, but I wasn’t the “let’s see if there’s any chemistry otherwise let’s not even bother discussing that weird installation you saw at Nuit Blanche last year” kind of date-girl that I’ve grown to become so I didn’t make a move either. Too shy, maybe, but more importantly it wasn’t even a date. Just look at how I was invited:

“Hey so, my friends have all moved away for the next year, but I really want to check out this movie, will you come?”

Very non-swoon worthy approach if you ask me, but as it turns out, five years later I discovered that yes, those drives to the movies were in fact all dates with a perfectly great guy and I just thought I was filling a temporary friend void. Not true.

So, for the benefit of my current and future date self and to avoid anymore lost date opportunities out there, an example plucked from the pages of my diary:

A guy may ask you: “Why don’t we get to together to play squash sometime?”

If he does, it’s a date. Why? Because you’ll look a bit crazy running after that ball and I know how mean and competitive I get and only a guy who was into me would want to see that shit up close.

Plus, you get hot and sweaty and that’s Dating 101.

Another example, in case I’m not being clear. You’re also on a date if a guy says: “I’ll just come and sit and watch you paint”.

It’s totally a date. Unless you’re Bob Ross or living in the Renaissance.

When a guy needs help to buy jeans or a new suit or a present for his mom, it’s a date for sure and you should just buy yourself something nice to wear too while you’re shopping because those jeans he’s buying are to wear when he takes you out on a date in disguise.

I’ve yet to actually recount all my non-date dates, but if I had to guess, I’ve been on A LOT.

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Having taken art classes since the days she’d eat her lunch under her teacher’s desk, Melissa really started to hone in on her photography skills in high school. Her work has been published on Jones Soda bottles, numerous magazines such as Vice Magazine,, Home and Garden Online, Canadian House and Home, Fashion magazine, Post City Magazine, Faze Magazine, JPG Magazine, Design Lines, Azure and was featured on Beautiful/Decay. Most recently, she won an award of Merit in the portrait category from Professional Photographers of Canada, and continues to shoot daily, her camera merely a third arm.
Since she has no boyfriend, she’s got lots of time to work. You can view her photos at Melissa Di Pasquale Photography, follow her on Twitter @melissacaroline and check out her brain child Two Shakes.

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4 Responses to Nice Date Guys, OR, Dates In Disguise written by Melissa Di Pasquale

  1. I think this is a great post, so true. It made me laugh too because I know I’ve done this sort of thing. It can be difficult to be friends with a gal at times.

  2. andrea says:

    oh man this is so true. I have been there a million times. what am I supposed to do? Make the moves? Men don’t make moves anymore.

  3. Mil. says:

    Hey Len!

    I’m sure you have done something like this before! I just want to be clear that I wasn’t saying that when guys and girls hang out there’s always date vibes in the subtext (you and I have hung out plenty of times that I know weren’t dates) but that this is the very reason that when you take out a woman, if you’re intentions are to date her then you should make it known because she may not ;)

  4. Thanks for the clarification :) and I agree, letting a woman know your intentions is a must.

    @andrea: men still make moves but friendships hamper a man’s aggressiveness..If you like him, touch his leg between the knee and the hip, there’s no reason to ever touch someone there unless it’s sexual; he’ll get the picture!

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