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Andrea Grassi on Love as a Colour: Singles Colour 007 – Lady Blue Balls

Posted By Rebecca Eckler on July 13, 2011

Tagged: Andrea Grassi, Rant

There is nothing worse than having an incredibly hot moment with an incredibly hot man, and then having to lick the remnants of that moment in your memory for the rest of your life because circumstances like distance, mistaken identity, or fleeting fancy won’t allow for repeats.

It sucks.

It isn’t even the romance, it is the sheer wish for relief that is the problem; the chance for this incredibly steamy circumstance to fizzle and die so you can just forget about it. And to make things worse, because we are all a little self tormenting, this sexy memory gets put on high replay and the resultant frustration can be torture.

Yes ladies, even you too can (albeit figuratively) get the bluest of balls.

I am suffering from them at the moment. I had the hottest of kisses a few weeks ago: 4 am, sweaty from dancing, in a strange European city, pushed up against a city statue. At this age, I am never satisfied with just plain ol’ making out if the circumstances will allow for sex. And when that hot encounter walked itself away from me because he had to catch a plane in 3 hours, I was left extremely (and painfully) pent up.

The worst part about lady blue balls is that it is all in the mind, thus way harder to tap out than the actual squeezing, constricting, and painful physical balls of men. My hot kisser probably went back to his hotel, tugged away, and then packed. I could have done the same. But my relief would have taken more focus (and I was stuck in a hostel with three strangers). I was stuck in fantasy limbo, and had to imagine the later sexual exchange for relief (which was naturally really hot and made my circumstances worse).

The second worst part about lady blue balls is that the pain comes in waves — lasting however long your memory of the troubling pre-sexual encounter lasts. Thankfully memory is plastic, and if I can keep assaulting the memory of the hot kiss I can perhaps remember it in a less desirable way. For example, all of a sudden he proceeds to sloppily lick one side of my face, or says something like, “are your nipples hard yet?” Maybe that will whiten them up (or whatever the opposite of blue is).

Have you ever came down with a bad case of lady blue balls?

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Andrea Grassi has been either a freelance writer, editor, researcher, proofreader (or all) at the following publications: The Mark NewsThis MagazineWhere Toronto, Pique News Whistler, 24hrsSoundproofCelery (defunct, but influential Toronto-based zine), Job Postings (US), Campus Life Magazine, The Medium and scripted on Rogers Cable 10, among others. Her advertising creative has been featured in campaigns for Johnson & Johnson, Windsor Salt, Leo Pharma, Trispec Communications, Dobson & Toncic Insurance, Urologi Inc., among others.
Check her out: Wesbsite: / Twitter: @andGrassi / Linkedin: Andrea Grassi

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5 Responses to Andrea Grassi on Love as a Colour: Singles Colour 007 – Lady Blue Balls

  1. Interesting, refreshing read. Question: Why not have had sex with someone else? Should have been easy to find.

  2. Jenna says:

    Brilliant solution Lenny! And I personally go through life with blue balls. Every waking hour.

  3. Yes Lenny, that would have been one solution. I think, though, when you are sidled by a particular conquest, and then never given your due, it makes things hard (excuse the pun). Never getting your ideal, maybe i’m a love perfectionist, is never good enough. Sure, physically things are solved. But Lady Blues are psychological, and so too is the relief to some degree.

  4. Interesting. I’m glad I don’t have this problem

  5. Jenna says:

    I agree, and I was being sarcastic to Lenny.

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