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The Night Truth written by Danielle Christopher

Posted By Rebecca Eckler on July 4, 2011

Tagged: Danielle Christopher, Rave

Cradling my newborn baby, smelling her sweet clean scent, I am fuming on the inside. In the next room my husband snores like a freight train while I am stuck here trying to calm her. The room is dark except for the nightlight and the clock radio revealing that it is now 2am. I am so bone tired, I do not know if I can even get up to turn on all the lights to wake him up.

It is shocking that after thirteen years of marriage we are beginning parenthood. After being told by three doctors that I could not conceive naturally due to endometriosis, I was okay with not being a mom. My mom died when I was ten and I have no clue what to do with a child.

Because of my husband’s job (construction), I felt he needed to sleep for safety. That feeling was prior to our daughter’s arrival. Now that she has been here for six weeks, I cannot recall the last five hours of sleep in a row that I have had. I berate myself that it would not be wrong to ask for help just once.

But, the best friend that I am, I do not wake him.

“You need anything?” I jump from my sleep haze, as he is at the door.

I nod and whisper that I need to go to the bathroom. He takes our baby, and I tip toe to the door.  I look back, drinking in the sight of my wee family rocking in the chair I just vacated.

When I come out, I hear nothing. I peek in the door. Both of them are now snoring away. I smile and close the door. I leap under the covers and fall asleep. The last thought was of delight that I did not have to ask. My husband was at the right place at the right time.

I almost feel guilty for the mean thoughts that I had.

Almost.

Two years later, I am in the same rocking chair now holding our newest daughter. Her older sister is asleep across the bedroom they share. The room is a little more cluttered with our two children’s beds, and toys. The room is lit with only the nightlights, and a clock radio showing it is 2:30am.

My mind wanders to the past two years between myself and my husband. My newborn closes her eyes, the nightlight shining on her angelic face. All she wants is her mommy.

It is that feeling of being there for my children day and night that keeps me going. I know all too well what it is like to want your mommy.  As a couple, my husband and I have grown stronger by being great parents. We both have our sad memories of growing up as kids and are determined to make our children’s’ memories better by always being there for them.

As parents, we put each other second. It does not work for every marriage. We were good friends before we became a couple, and then parents. We have our tough days when all we want is our spouse. Those happen far and few between. We do not sweat the small stuff, and remember what is most important by having a loving and happy home.

At this moment, I do not regret the choices I have made for my sleep deprivation. The house is still while everyone else sleeps. Cuddling with my baby, rocking in the rocking chair, I feel that this is where I am meant to be. Home.

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Danielle has been married to her husband for over eighteen years. That first date was almost 21 years ago. She is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in The Momoir Project, Women’s Post, The Yummy Mummy Club and many other parenting websites. Danielle lives with her husband and their young daughters in Langley, BC.
Find her on Twitter @just_d_world. Her main blogging home is www.justdworld.wordpress.com.

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One Response to The Night Truth written by Danielle Christopher

  1. Tatiana Hiddleston says:

    Wow. I almost had a heart attack with the first two paragraphs. After 7 years of “infertility” I feel happy, glad, joyous about not being a mom (I first I was devastated). I am now deathly afraid of suddenly ending up pregnant out of the blue, as I am guessing happened to you.

    I live with my boyfriend who has a child, and I’m having a hard time dealing with having a child in my life. We just had a super rough weekend at a cottage and a huge fight last night. And I become more and more paranoid about one day suddenly being a “real” mom.

    I would love to read more about your story and experiences. How did you get pregnant? How did you feel about it?

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