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How To Argue With The Kids Around written by Danielle Christopher

Posted By Rebecca Eckler on August 2, 2011

Tagged: Danielle Christopher, Rant

As a mom of two young girls, having an adult discussion with my husband is challenging to say the least. To get to an argumentative state with him however, is all too easy. I worry about not saying cross words in front of the girls and setting a good example. When my husband and I finally meet after a long workday (for me this means being at home and for him, at the office) we are tired.  Rarely do we have dates outside of the house because sadly, free childcare doesn’t exist. So the if there is pressure between us it just builds and becomes clouded with the absence of quality couple time and privacy to work things out.

Considering we had been a couple for a long time before we became parents, our friendship runs deep. Having said that, we have had many ugly arguments and angry whispers in the moonlight hours when the kids finally go to bed.

Slowly we found other ways to argue. Not wanting to be confrontational in front of the kids we turned to electronics. I can feel the anger in a text message from my cell phone in my pocket, especially when he is across the room. I turn my shoulder and type with a passionate vengeance.

When my husband has had his fill of not being heard, he cleans house, putting out garbage and other minor tasks to either clear his head or keep busy. It is rare, and I’ll admit it does make the house look good.

But we both know this isn’t the best way to communicate. After the kids go down, it is just us. There is time for us to talk and work out whatever the problems are. We have our date nights on the couch with the baby monitor near. When the girls move out, it will be just the two of us again. We will have lots to still talk about. (Although I am not in a hurry to see our miracle daughters go yet.)

As the heat from our anger dissipates, we realize that it is a waste to sweat the small stuff.  Now when we argue, we’re learning that it is okay to walk away and breathe.  Chances are that the anger is never about the situation but by our day, and there is no point in letting it escalate. What’s important is the effort we make to work it out, especially in a manner that won’t hurt our children. We’re all worth the work it takes to keep things healthy and happy. Wouldn’t you say the same for your family?

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Danielle has been married to her husband for over eighteen years. That first date was almost 21 years ago. She is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in The Momoir Project, Women’s Post, The Yummy Mummy Club and many other parenting websites. Danielle lives with her husband and their young daughters in Langley, BC.
Find her on Twitter @just_d_world. Her main blogging home is

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